Not the time for a dad joke.
THERe ARE CHILDREN ON HERE
This is in no way ok
i am trying to have healthy lifestyle YOU ARE NOT HELPING
I look like an extremely professional fashionable woman in an Abaya. It probably took me AGES to look this professional right?
WRONG. I’m actually wearing my onesie underneath it and you will NEVER KNOW MWAHAHAHA
Wanna know another secret? Even though i LOOK like I’m paying attention to whatever nonsense you are saying…..
I AM ACTUALLY WEARING HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC
THIS IS TO MUCH POWER FOR ONE PERSON TO HAVE
MY NIGGA MOVED.
Children have zero sense of fear
He just ran a 4.3 sec 40
NOTHING OUTMATCHES DAD-REFLEXES
FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK
YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD
MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE
NO GOD PLEASE DONT LET THIS BE THE POST THAT MAKES ME TUMBLR FAMOUS
If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
this was designed for very young children and i am not a young child i am a 260 pound man
how did you get in there.
how did you get out of there
I highly recommend this place if you enjoy eating out.
parents: “u should be more active”
How do dick pics make u feel?
This is the fucking funniest thing I have ever seen omfg.